Pages from my Diary – St. Lucia Times News

The content originally appeared on: St. Lucia Times News

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(Contributed Article by Lena-lina Jean) I sat on my bed writing my notes and I am asking myself can I really do this, honestly it seems so hard, it feels hard, it feels like a burden, I know as a Christian I should not be feeling this way but when I look around me, especially when I wake up on a morning and I realize that am not in my own bed, that I have to make it to the kitchen before it closes or I don’t get anything to eat or the fact that I have to go to class even when am sick or don’t feel like going, or that I have to sit in the class and cry when I can’t bear it no more because I can’t leave the class and go.

It honestly seems hard. I know that I have to finish because I am not a failure and I always finish what I start, yea I have done three years but truth is all these years were hard and I mean really hard, there were days when I had to go to bed hungry because I had no money to buy food and the food in the kitchen at times is so disgusting that putting it in your mouth is like poisoning yourself, days when am so cold and sad, days when I missed home so much that all I could do is break down and cry in the bathroom while bathing so no one would see my tears or hear me crying. I cannot begin to explain what it is like being in this place.

Yes I have learned a lot and I have become a stronger person a better Christian, I have grown older and stronger in this place but still how do I get over the hurting part of it, will the scare ever go away. Because truth of the fact is it has affected me mentally. I miss home so bad it hurts.

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